standing in the circle

 

not once have i allowed anyone to see me cry within the walls and halls of dominican hospital.  yet, not one tuesday evening passes, when tears do not begin to flow down my cheeks the moment i pass through the doors and walk out into the night.  the tears are there.  but i have never let anyone see them.  until last night.  the night before the eve of thanksgiving.  though i tried so very hard, i could neither hold back nor hide the tears welling up in my eyes as i touched her hand.  she was a daughter, standing by her mother, about to lose her father.  three doors down, she was a daughter, standing with her sister, about to lose her mother.  there was nothing i could do, nothing i could say, to take away their pain.  nothing i could say, nothing i could do, to turn back the hands of time for them.  i could only offer my hand, and my arms, and share my tears.  before i reached the end of the hallway, i knew, one life had passed through the gate. knowing, another life was not far behind.  what i did not know, was what i was about to discover, just around the corner.  as i made my way with my cart filled with magazines and books, toiletries, stuffed animals and the just-little-somethings to help someone's stay at the hospital be a little more comfortable and not quite so scary, i approached a man playfully chasing a small child down a quiet hallway.  as i got closer, i could hear their voices.  the little child was gleefully calling out, very clearly and very distinctly, "mommya!  mommya!  mommya!"  my eyes welled with tears again.  years have gone by since i've heard of such precious words. i could not hold back my tears, or my smile.  but it was not until i reached the man, as he took the child in his arms and turned around, i realized, i knew this man.  it was then that i discovered: this man and his son were waiting in the hallways as their beautiful wife and mommya was giving birth to the second little member of their family.  before this night was through...as two lives passed away...a new life was about to be born.

~ janean christine mariani