you're so vein: love song for a vampire

(to be read to the tune of carly simon's you're so vain)

 

you stepped out of the coffin

like you hadn't eaten in a year

you did your best to glam me

but i hadn't an ounce of fear

then a drop of blood trickled down your cheek

gee, aw-shucks, it's a tear

that's the moment when your cold heart melted for me

cold heart melted for me, and

 

you're so vein

you prob'ly really want to bite me now

you're so vein

i'll bet you really want to bite me now

don't you? don't you?

 

i cleared our flower garden of all wooden stakes

threw all the garlic in our pantry away

banished every drop of sunlight through the entire house

sold all my sterling silver on ebay

then we cozied-up and shared a pint of lukewarm true blood

at a vampire-friendly cafe

the breeze was being kind to gift to you my perfume

gift to you my perfume, and

 

you're so vein

you prob'ly really want to bite me now

you're so vein

i'll bet you really want to bite me now

don't you? don't you?

 

the breeze was being kind to gift to you my perfume

gift to you my perfume, and

 

you're so vein

you prob'ly really want to bite me now

you're so vein

i'll bet you really want to bite me now

don't you? don't you?

 

so to start, i let you suck upon my left big toe

then let you nibble on the cap of my right knee

permitted you to linger near my belly button

but it tickled so much i had to wee

you had one fang on my butt cheek when

i hollered, hey wait a minute please

and if you're sweet, i'll really let you bite my neck now

let you bite my neck now, and

 

you're so vein

you prob'ly really want to bite me now

you're so vein

i'll bet you really want to bite me now

don't you? don't you?

 

~ janean christine mariani