the ever evolving list of totally random thoughts

 

1. i have decided that if i ever have to choose only one breakfast to eat for the rest of my life it will be: waffles, topped with a delicate spreading of peanut butter, drizzled ever so slightly with maple syrup, and served with a small ramequin of maple syrup on the side...so i can lightly dip the bottom of each bite...that way everything doesn't get all soggy.

2. i like the word soliloquy. it sounds nice.

3. a sacred trinity of One. certainty such as this comes but once in a lifetime. still. i honor my reasons. my reasons are as simple and as sacred as a, b, c.

4. yawns are catching. you can fake-yawn and people will still start yawning around you.

5. my dad once got a perm and took disco dancing lessons. i remind him of this every now and again. he doesn't like when i do that.

6. so i've discovered this fake-yawning thing also works on cats. patience and persistence is key when attempting this as cats will try to act highly sophisticated as though they're so above yawning. but they're not. eventually, they yawn.

7. i can tap dance in socks on carpet.

8. i like the smell of play-doh. it brings back happy childhood memories.

9. when i was little i used to like when we sat in a circle at school and played the name game. janean...janean janean bo bean banana fanna fo fean me my mo mean...janean.

10. so when playing the name game do they skip little kids named chuck? i was just wondering.

11. sometimes i have a slight lisp. you know how there's those novelty shops for left-handed people? they sell things like 'kiss me i'm left-handed' t-shirts, left-handed golf clubs and baseball mitts. they even have left-handed pencils and coffee mugs. well i was thinking someone should have a novelty store for people with lisps. they could sell things like a thuperman t-shirt...instead of a big, red s on the chest it could have a big, red th. they could even offer a collection of fairy tale literature like: thinderella and thnow white.

12. left-handed pencils and mugs? huh. who knew.

13. not even a part of the conversation taking place, a woman at the office turned to me and asked, "mcdreamy or mcsteamy"? if i hesitated for even the slightest of moments it was only because i felt mildly embarrassed that i knew precisely what the question begged of me to answer. "mcdreamy". definitely, mcdreamy. seriously!

14. i have never been so thankful for the death of a computer...for the gift it brought...of an angel standing in a doorway.

15. i sleep like felix unger. when i wake up each morning the bed's pretty much already made.

16. when it comes to cookies i couldn't care less about the chocolate chips. i'm all about the dough. much to my mom's dismay; as to this very day, i am able to orchestrate masterful schemes which successfully distract my mom from tending the coveted bowl of batter. i run through the house: spoon of dough sans-chips in one hand and muffled squeals of delight due to the mass of dough stuffed in one cheek... triumphant!

17. i absolutely love when i wake up in the middle of the night...wrapped in complete darkness with nothing but the light of the moon and stars...and hear the sweet sound of a bird singing.

18. ever since i was a little child i have always loved the smell of rain when it first begins to fall. it smells so wonderful! so wonderful i am filled with an overwhelming desire to taste it. so one crisp autumn night i decided to lick the sidewalk. that was a mistake.

19. with complete sincerity, i was in mid-sentence, "...if he would just watch the lady is a champ i think he would be in awe ~ it was barbara mandrell at the absolute pinnacle of her career..." and this is where i was very abruptly cut-off by abby's something between a snort and a chortle. it was a snortle. a very distinct snortle to stifle her laughter. great. just great.

20. i was standing by the mailbox in the sunlight one christmas eve. when i realized. it was not the fear joe mailman held the fate of a precious gift in his hands. it was the fear he held my handwriting. a song honestly has been sung of trusting, blind, deaf, and dumb fools like me.

21. there are times when i am not the brightest bulb on the tree. sometimes it takes something like a fire alarm to reveal to me where the truth in lines that are drawn lie and shift and change without warning. ouch! it pierced my heart deeply. i felt so alone and foolish. and yet, how fortunate. for i will not again trip or fall over lines that lie.

22. every village has its loony toon. our village loony toon sits on a bench along the esplanade, dressed very elegantly, legs crossed, with a constant smile on her face as she smokes a cigarette. she also has really good posture.

23. my heart breaks at the end of each day not being blessed to say goodnight to all i love...and know what their evening holds...it breaks a little more than usual during birthdays and holidays.

24. if i was gifted only one song to learn to play on my guitar it would be travels by pat metheny. if i was gifted only one song to hear again in my life it would be johann pachelbel's canon in d.

25. my nephew thinks his auntie is a goofball because tears stream down my cheeks when he reaches up to me with his little arms and says, "hold you, auntie nean". i just keep on letting him think his auntie is a goofball as i pick him up and cover his face in kisses while my tears get lost in his little blonde curls.

26. there are moments when it is impossible to escape the voice of god. not that one wants to escape. i'm just sayin' there are moments when this beautiful voice is to be seen and heard. for instance: when a little silver streak of light is in need of food and cleansing only to turn and find the mighty voice of god silently sitting there; then the little silver streak pretty much panics and spazzes out and bolts away in a humble puff of smoke. only to be serenaded moments later; when walking the path of the mariner, hearing the voice of god rumbling from behind and turning to find this precious song not-so-silently silently singing by. and i smile. thankful for such precious gifts on a saturday.

27. whether an exciting first airplane ride or an unsettling one of many in a lifetime: presence, prayer, and a precious hand to hold... never board an airplane without them.

28. sometimes when i'm smiling the biggest on the outside, i'm hurting the most on the inside.

29. i heart sponge bob square pants. if i was a cartoon i would want to be sponge bob's friend.

30. my eyebrows have a cowlick.

31. i absolutely savored each piece of chocolately-caramely-gooey halloween candy. it is the sweetest i have ever known.

32. fyi: precious, innocent, tiny, little flop-eared bunnies snore. loudly!

33. i was playfully informed, "there's just too much oxygen in this world!" how fortunate, for longer than anyone has known, i have not needed air or water or sunlight to Be.

34. i'm pretty stoked the planet uranus isn't named after me.

35. dry creek vineyard's the mariner 2004 meritage. 'nough said.

36. it's official. the hollywood reporter and variety have both confirmed that abc has elected to cancel pushing daisies. that hurts my feelings.

37. it's airstream trailer? ...not airloom trailer? oh. whoopsie.

38. dry creek vineyard's 2006 cabernet sauvignon. once again...'nough said.

39. at present, i no longer have a big beautiful office i once had, and i am no longer paid the full salary i was once paid. still...with the fullness of my heart, i am so very thankful, for my life is blessed with countless immeasurably precious gifts each day that no one can put a price on...and i would not trade such precious gifts for all the world.

40. i am sailing the 40th parallel.

41. never say never. i just recommended a movie i thoroughly enjoyed, to my mom, which is about a man having a relationship with a sex doll he ordered off the internet. and she thoroughly enjoyed it too. who'da thunkit!

42. though the moments are very few and far between and incomplete, and silent 'i'm sorrys' and hidden tears are always present, this humble cabinet maker kneels in silent sadness, and immeasurably infinite quiet joy and thankfulness.

43. please know...love beyond words for all eternity, a sweet little decorated home, and your beautiful name...await you, my love.

44. i love you and i trust you with all that i am, Life. and i will never leave you nor forsake you. still. i humbly and respectfully ask of you. why, my God? why? please. in Your perfect place in time, please. thank you.

45. i would like to sincerely thank the person who invented cake batter ice cream.

46. shades of sea and seafoam green and amber are pretty much my favorite colors in the whole wide world.

47. i would also like to sincerely thank the person who invented peanut butter cup ice cream.

48. when i was a little girl, first learning to put my own shoes on and tie my own shoestrings, sometimes i'd put my right shoe on my left foot and my left shoe on my right foot. and, for some reason, my little child's mind had a name for this. i had my shoes on chelly-chap.

49. it is super bowl sunday. and i just remembered...thank goodness for crossword puzzles and kickers!

50. i think my dad has a man-crush on the rock in the rundown, patrick swayze in road house, and johnny unitas for pretty much being his favorite quarterback to ever play the game.

51. one night as we were watching a movie steven turned to me and said, "you're no fun to share ice cream with". i looked down at the nearly empty pint of ben and jerry's americone dream ice cream in my hand. it was in that moment i realized...i seriously need to work on my ice cream sharing skills.

52. sometimes i can smell the inside of my nose. i don't like that smell.

53. my little car doesn't accelerate as fast when the air conditioner is on. not every car is like that. just so you know.

54. one day i will own a jaguar xjs cabriolet, british racing green, with a black top, and tan interior. not that i've given it much thought.

55. my mom's pretty much popcorn's number one fan.

56. have you ever seen and heard the a cappella group straight no chaser? you should!

57. the gifts of art are rare and few and far between of which i prefer a cover or an adaptation or a remake, of a song or a story or a movie, over the original. the moment i witnessed annie lennox sing bridge over troubled water is one of those rare and precious gifts, to me.

58. someone hung a pablo picasso print entitled la cruche fleurie above the kitchen sink at our office. i don't feel so bad about my own artwork when i look at that picture.

59. i saw something really sad today. a deflated inflatable santa claus drooped over the eves of a rooftop. but you know what's really, really sad? in less than three days...it will be the month of may.

60. it's official. five months and fourteen days into sailing the fortieth parallel...i have my very first gray hair!

61. one morning along my commute i saw a cyclist with a big glob of bicycle grease on the back of his leg. it wasn't until i passed him at the corner of west cliff and bay that i realized...hey, that wasn't bicycle grease...that was a tattoo! then it got me thinking. he probably put a lot of thought into the design of his tattoo. must be a bummer to have a tattoo that some people think is a blob of bicycle grease. that probably hurts his feelings.

62. i romance spiders and bugs into teacups and glass jelly jars to set them free outside.

63. one of my favorite books is siddhartha by hermann hesse. siddhartha's good friend in the story is named govinda. i really like that name...govinda...it sounds so melodic. no offense...but i would've entitled the book govinda.

64. ever since i was tiny my very favorite walt disney character in the whole wide world is...jiminy cricket.

65. one morning as i was walking to the copy machine i saw a guy with a tattoo on the back of his leg. it wasn't until i passed him at the corner of the conference room and the mailroom that i realized...hey, that wasn't a tattoo...that was bicycle grease! then it got me thinking. he probably put a lot of thought into going green and cycling to work. must be a bummer to have hard earned bicycle grease on the back of your leg that some people think is a tattoo. that probably hurts his feelings.

66. every year on my birthday, for as long as i can remember, my mom tells me the story about the day i was born. i have a lot of favorite parts of the story of that day. but one of my favorite parts is how my mom chose my name. my mom picked my name from a book of baby names...she chose it, she says, because the book said it meant...God's gracious gift. every day, for my mom and all i love, i try my very best to live up to my name.

67. nora ephron is pretty much my favorite screenwriter of all time.

68. i'm part princess~part knightess. i don't like dirt under my fingernails; i sprinkle my bed linens with delicately aromatic talc; and i have four signature fragrances...that's the princess in me ~ i can change the oil, spark plugs, wires and distributor cap in my car all by myself; i surf head-high lefts at my favorite breaks; and if you challenge me to stone skipping across the sea, i'll allow you to win...that's the knightess in me.

69. it's official. i have now changed the messiest, stinkiest, poopy diaper i have ever changed in my entire life! and i can honestly say...if this record is never broken...it will not hurt my feelings!

70. i love my jammies. jammies are pretty much my favorite clothes to wear around the house.

71. i am not a big fan of chocolate. i will choose vanilla over chocolate...and warm caramel over hot fudge...any day. but when i do indulge in chocolate...i absolutely have to have scharffen berger 41% cacao extra rich milk chocolate.

72. in fact...i am not a big fan of candy...period. but i do have one incredibly vulnerable weekness. reese's peanut butter cups.

73. wanna know my favorite fruits in the whole wide world? fresh pears, pineapples, and papayas.

74. i also like blueberries, apricots, nectarines, and bananas. but i'm not a big fan of melons. melons hurt my feelings.

75. it should also be noted that while i may be able to tolerate oranges and strawberries...oranges and strawberries pretty much hurt my feelings too.

76. my husband is the kindest gentle man i have ever known. he is a strong man with a sweet and sensitive heart...with an extra special place in it for children and animals and people with special needs. he also cried when he thought bumblebee died when we saw the movie transformers...i thought that was pretty adorable.

77. when i'm not wearing my heart on my sleeve, one can always see the truth of my heart in my eyes. needless to say...i'm really bad at poker.

78. i was a little girl writing the date on my homework and classroom papers: 1976 was a bicentennial year...1980 i went to a wonderful new school and met wonderful new friends...1986 i graduated from high school. in some moments, it seems it was only just the other day; in some moments, it seems it was a lifetime ago. but in this moment...here and now...happy new year and welcome...2010!

79. i have a doenail.

80. someone invented s'mores pop tarts. upon discovering this...i pretty much did a happy dance right there in the grocery store aisle.

81. i think i may be going bald in my right eyebrow.

82. the tale of three surfboards: my shortboard's a 6'4" shaped by steve coletta...my funboard's a 7'2" shaped by john mel...my longboard's a 9'2" shaped by johnny rice.

83. is it just me or are bruce jenner and paul mccartney beginning to look a whole lot like jane hathaway?

84. have you ever taken notice of swords? if you take away the gift of all the first letter holds...you are left with only words. and sometimes words...either the presence or the absence of them...can cut as deeply as swords.

85. i can now officially say i own something from neiman marcus: i spied it in their annual christmas catalog and it was in that moment i knew...i just had to have it. and now i do: a beautiful writing pen which resembles a silver scepter with a golden crown on top.

86. when we were in high school, one of my dearest friends looked just like nick rhodes of duran duran. no, seriously...she did!

87. when we were in high school, i resembled a wannabe barbara mandrell with a really bad perm and braces. my friend who looked like nick rhodes and i laugh about it to this day. she laughs harder than i do.

88. the tale of four fragrances: i have four signature fragrances...one for each direction of the compass; one for each change of season; one for each whimsically unleashed metaphor within me: the original via camerelle...child...10 corso como...and unspoken.

89. i'm half italian and half swedish. i figure there's a fifty percent chance i could end up with one eyebrow and a mustache in my old age.

90. you know times have changed when a woman can no longer say, "my thongs stink", without being greatly misunderstood.

91. my favorite socal neighborhood breakfast hangout...babalu ~ my favorite norcal neighborhood breakfast hangout...aldo's.

92. i have a problem. well, two problems really. i love cheese! but at times cheese can be ~ how do i put this - well... constipating. therein lies problem number two.

93. my favorite socal sushi...hama in venice ~ my favorite norcal sushi...sushi garden in capitola.

94. hey i just thought of something. if i ever go to israel, i can ask my friends, do you google or do you netanyahu?

95. so my huband asked me, "who do you think is your favorite and the best james bond of all time?" without missing a beat i replied, "defintely, daniel craig...and pierce brosnan would have to be second". steven's face paled and his eyes opened wide, "surely you can't be serious. sean connery is the best james bond ever!" to which i retorted, "no. he's pretty much the worst james bond in my book". poor sweetpea...my whole-james-bond-thing hurt his feelings real bad.

96. my favorite socal home break...malibu ~ my favorite norcal home break...second jetty.

97. a winter olympic moment: at the risk of sounding like a complete nerd ~ i must confess... i so love to watch curling!

98. my friend, sven, ordered some fancy shoes off the internet. they were powder-blue leather with a teal-threaded dragon embroidered on top...they came from the jersey shore and they smelled like lapsang souchong tea. highly suspicious, if you ask me...highly suspicious! clearly, someone is running a tea-bagging-shoe-running ring on the east coast!

99. something not many people know about me: i live my life with a heart that is broken...a wound that may never fully heal...still each day i raise my heart in praise...thankful for all that i am and is real.

100. one hundred. you wanna know what crosses my heart and mind each time i think of the number one hundred? christopher robin and winnie the pooh! christopher asks, "pooh, promise you won't forget me ever?" and pooh assures him, "oh i won't, christopher, i promise." christopher, still needing a little more reassurance, "not even when i am a hundred?" tears pretty much fill my eyes when i hear the voice of my own heart whispering, "i promise" ... "wherever they go, and whatever happens to them along the way, in their enchanted place on top of the forest, a little bear will always be waiting."

101. when i was 14 years old, i had a crush on tom selleck. as i write, i am 41 years old...and i've still got a crush on tom selleck.

102. one of my favorite genres of food is indian food, and one of my favorite indian dishes is palak paneer. well apparently during lunch, a glob of palak paneer found its way to the side of my left nostril...and as can well be imagined, when brought to my attention later that afternoon, this was a most unfortunate occurence to explain. "no, really...it's palak paneer"!

103. i love my husband beyond words...to me, he is the most remarkable man to walk the face of this earth...and he will always be the love of my life. still. i have decided that tom selleck should not be the sole gentleman upon my list of gentelmen i have a crush on: kyle chandler, robson green, anderson cooper, and patrick dempsey ~ so there, five is a nice round number... and george clooney can be an alternate, just in case.

104. pickle seeds are weird looking.

105. my sister-in-law has an "unlikely boyfriend" ~ someone who may not necessarily come to mind immediately as the typical, handsome, leading man type ~ she thinks donald sutherland is the cat's pajamas...so that got me thinking. i should probably add a couple unlikely boyfriends to my list: alan rickman and lyle lovett.

106. when i was little i thought people were saying "mole hair suits"...and i used to think: eeewwwww!!! who'd want a suit made outa that?

107. i just thought of something ~ the golden age of cinema is one of my favorite genres ~ so i'll include a few of my favorite classy gentlemen from that classic film era...gregory peck and jimmy stewart and cary grant. that brings my list to just shy of a dozen.

108. when i was little i also thought people were saying "human beans"...and i used to think: well that's weird...we don't even look like beans.

109. i just thought of one more thing ~ i should probably have a vampire boyfriend ~ so i'll include...vampire bill. there. that completes my ethereal list at an even dozen.

110. most people should not wear white lycra bodysuits. ever. especially not in public.

111. i am always awakening each night to the words inside my heart of stories and poems and songs...and i scribble them down in the darkness upon the pages of my journal at my bedside. this morning i awoke to the sweet words ~ whisper to your house ~ wings are what it's worth ~ i haven't the foggiest notion what these precious words inside mean. still. i faithfully wrote them down, trusting, perhaps one day i shall know.

112. unless you're a swedish olympic cross country skier...then you can wear a white lycra bodysuit pretty much whenever you want.

113. one simply has to wonder...just exactly how does arnold palmer order an arnold palmer?

114. i am of the firm belief that husbands and wives should not share everything ~ and by this, i mean...toenail fungus!

115. band-aids smell weird. they smell like...well...band-aids!

116. "hey, you got your peanut butter in my chocolate!" ~ "hey, you got your jamba juice cup in my super duper scrumptious olive chips bag!" now, i don't know about the advertising geniuses up on madison avenue...but i find this trashy vision lovely. absolutely lovely.

117. is it just me...or does josh groban look like he just walked out of the shire? seriously...the guy'd make an adorable hobbit!

118. did i happen to mention i have super duper crazy mad ninja skills?

119. i also do bed yoga.

120. i have invented a word. not a very mature word, mind you. but i have invented a word nonetheless. "fartle" a verb [pronounced FAR-tul] meaning: to startle due to sudden, loud, or abrupt flatulence. i'll use it in a sentence. "gosh, honey, i was reading my book so peacefully until you fartled me!"

121. greater love hath no man than this ~ that he would lay down his life for his friend. i know this love. and the older i grow ~ for all that has been and will continue to be lovingly given ~ the more i am grateful for the simplest of things. for mulder...for scully...for the summoning of thunder. bring it on! for such simple gifts may seem like nothing to the rest of the world...but such sacred gifts mean more than the world will ever know...to me.

122. now that i have entered the upper echelons of linguistics, i figure i should invent a quote to accompany the invention of my word. "to air is human. butt to fartle is just not nice".

123. my life is so much more richly blessed ~ and this world a far better place ~ for having been touched by this precious remarkable man while he walked the face of this earth...thank you, mr. rogers, for being my neighbor. thank you for being my friend.

124. i'm pretty sure i need botox in my earlobes.

125. i for one am glad dr. seuss did not enter the world of adult films. just think. we don't have to watch shows like how the grinch stole xxxmas starring trixie lou who the loosest who in whoville.

126. i don't like to lick envelopes. they taste yucky. and that hurts my feelings.

127. overly ripened soft bananas make me gag.

128. you know how some people run so gracefully and effortlessly? i don't run like that.

129. i should probably thank the person who invented self-adhesive envelopes.

130. is it wrong to want to eat an entire bowl of cool whip?

131. the pattern paisley is cool. i wish i invented it.

132. the pattern argyle is cool, too. but it doesn't hurt my feelings that i didn't invent it.

133. i've heard the word. i've read the word. but i've never actually used the word, "dude", in my entire life. never. not once. until today. so you can imagine my surprise, upon my initiation to this splendid morsel of vocabulary, when i heard myself spontaneously shouting out loud to the rotund unkempt man exposing his big white belly and tattered brassiere at me, "dude, you need a bigger bra!"

134. so, if i went to arizona and i volunteered to work for free to clean up after all the dust storms...does that mean i got a cheap haboob-job?

~ janean christine mariani